Pregnancy after miscarriage is emotionally complex, filled with cautious hope, fear, and a deep vulnerability that words often fail to capture. When I saw the positive test, I wasn’t sure how to feel. And when the ultrasound showed no baby, I knew in my heart what was coming. This post continues my story; of grief, waiting, and the quiet courage it takes to hope again after loss.
Written in present time, 06/2025
Well, the ultrasound didn’t go well. My husband took off work to be there, and I’m glad he did. I was supposed to be a little over 7 weeks, but they couldn’t see the baby. The nurse said my dates could be off and that I might be earlier than expected, but deep down I knew. My cycle is regular and consistent – I knew this was another pregnancy loss. I could tell.
If you missed part 1, read it here.
Facing Another Miscarriage
They told me they couldn’t do much except track my HCG levels. That day, I had my first round of labs drawn. I had already told one of my sisters and was considering telling the rest of our family. My sister encouraged it, so people could pray for me. Honestly, I already knew in my heart I was experiencing another miscarriage after pregnancy loss.
Another miscarriage would be physically painful, but I could handle that. Could I handle it mentally, emotionally, and spiritually?
Sharing the Pain
Two days later, I left church early to get another round of HCG blood work. That same day, we told our families. I texted mine and my husband called his parents.
This was the hardest part. Everyone was so excited, but I felt dread. I knew what was likely coming. I wish they understood the pain of uncertainty that surrounds early pregnancy after miscarriage. And, at the same time, I didn’t want to talk about it. I hardly talked to my mom, I didn’t want her comfort. This sounds crazy, I know, and if you’re reading this, sorry mom. But, I just wanted to sit in my pain. I didn’t want to be happy. There were no angry feelings, just despair and heartache.
After we hung up with his dad, I told my husband how hard it was. Everyone was so happy and we were only going to take their joy away once the miscarriage became confirmed. We had told them what I had thought, that the ultrasound showed nothing and that it was likely another loss. I think this is what hung me up the most, how could they be happy when I just said it was likely a miscarriage? Pondering it now, I have more grace for them, and for myself. It’s probably hard to know how to react when somebody tells you they’re likely going to have another miscarriage. They didn’t know how to respond, and maybe I wouldn’t have either if I were in their place.
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Waiting, Watching, and Wondering
The next day, my OB called. My HCG levels had gone up, but not enough. They asked me to come in that day. Fortunately, I had the car since I’d driven my hubby to work. M skipped her nap so we could go. I can’t recall if I called or texted anyone while I waited. Surely I texted my husband, and knowing me, I texted the rest of my family.
The ultrasound showed the same thing. My OB came to talk to me. She told me all the same stuff as before, like we just can’t know until we can see a baby on the screen, or if I have a miscarriage. She just didn’t want to get my hopes up, so she said since my levels went up but didn’t double, she believed it was an unviable pregnancy. Again, it was hard to tell, but that was her opinion. I thanked her for being honest with me, and we planned to keep checking my HCG levels.
About a week later, I began bleeding. I miscarried.
Grieving the Loss Again
I was devastated and felt awful. When I saw that pregnancy test, I was frustrated that it was sooner than I planned. How dare I feel sad now when I felt that way. It’s my fault, I basically wished this into existence.
I didn’t want to talk to God. Again, no anger there, but similar to how I felt with my mom. I didn’t want His comfort, I deserved to feel this way. I deserved to be miserable.
As I write this, I cry. I ache for the woman who saw the positive test and felt frustration, and for the woman who felt that she deserved no solace. Both are real. Both are valid.
Pregnancy after miscarriage is hard. Miscarriage after miscarriage is even harder. These feelings are raw, complex, and overwhelming, especially in the middle of it all. Now, from a more healed place, I feel it all again, but differently.
Hope After Loss
I will never stop mourning the loss of my precious babies, but I will keep going, and I will keep healing.
Oh, and did I mention I’m currently pregnant again?
Cora <3
Find part 3 here!